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A face to the name – Ruth Stoker

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I was so excited to see that Kylemore Abbey have sourced/released a photo of Ruth Stoker and how appropriate for the 100th anniversary of her death: 18th December 1923. (I understand the photo is courtesy of the Stoker/Maunsell private family collection)

For anyone wondering who is Ruth and what my obsession has been with her since my own school days as a boarder in Kylemore in 1983, read on here. Ruth continues to be the inspiration behind my boarding school adventure series, K-Girls (I am currently working on Book 3 where Ruth continues to get up to all sorts of shenanigans with her mortal pal Alice.)

Up till now, we had to imagine what Ruth looked like, but thanks to Kylemore Abbey, we can put a face to her name when we call on her spirit. 

Gone but not forgotten.

RIP Ruth 18/12/1923

Little Update: Boots and invite to ‘Overload’ Book Launch

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Mea Culpa – I have been neglectful of my blog. I need to be honest with myself (and you) and let go of the guilt of not updating weekly/bi-weekly, or let’s face it, even monthly.

Life just keeps getting in the way. ‘Want to make [insert a god} laugh, tell him your plans.’

So when I last left off, I had announced that my book Overload: a Brother, a Wake and a Secret, had been taken up by publishers, Sweeney & O’Donovan. A lot has happened to bring it to this final week (Oct 6th 2022) when it will be launched, but more of that later, as I would like to share something with you before that.

Back in May, my Husband (yes, my hubby with capital H) suffered a stroke (blot clot to the brain) – he is 53. To say it was a shock is putting it mildly and life took a different route for us all. I am pleased to say that he is recovering very well physically and the family are all adjusting to the ‘new’ person he is as a result of his acquired brain injury. He personally has a very different struggle and there could be a whole other blog on that I am sure. But I won’t go there.

not-so Little Hubby recovering in CUH- May 2022

As it happened we had already booked a short walking holiday for the Camino Portuguese in September and this became our focus to get the Hubby back up and excited about living (with Doc’s approval of course).

The trip would entail a short haul flight to Santiago in Spain, and bus transfer approx 80km south. We would then start walking our way back up towards the pilgrimage-reward that is Santiago Compostela. Each day we walked some, as our bags were transferred to the next hotel ahead of us. (I call it the Posh Camino)

Had all been well we would have walked an average of 20Km per day – but due to the stroke and taking it easy, we focused on the walking and not the distance. We would walk as far as my Hubby was able and then arrange for a taxi transfer on to the next hotel where we linked up with our friends who had walked the whole way. There was one day where I got to walk solo and this was sooooo good for my soul I cannot put it into words.

Solo Camino

Interestingly on coming home so many people ask us how far did we walk – as if that was the important part – when in fact I came up with a whole new motto for us, so it did not become about the distance covered.

“It’s not about the Pace but the Sense of Place“

We had a wonderful break. Only 4 days but felt like a wonderful lifetime. Great scenery, walks, food and people. And just being.

Now, again, there are so many blogs on walking the Camino and I will leave those bloggers do what they do best. I do want to share something that connected with me along the way:

BOOTS

When one is walking the Camino there are many foot types, the most common being walking shoes/boots. Feet are the focus for minding and preventing/caring for blisters. If your feet are suffering the whole experience can be a miserable.

I kept thinking of my Brother (whose ashes I had brought with me along the way) and often thought about his boots. Being physically disabled, he didn’t really need boots – his wheelchair did the ‘walking’ for him. But he loved his boots for comfort and heat.

I loved how boots showed up in various images along the Camino way….

and this one below struck me most.

If you look closely, the soles of the boots are not worn.

And this reminded me of my Brother’s soles – which are also unworn – so I thought to share with you an extract from Overload……

For a man who could not walk, my Brother wore a pair of boots that bore the markings of many of
life’s miles. Yet turn them over and the soles are as new and unworn as the day they were
purchased. My Brother’s boots are a good metaphor of how he lived. Mountain boots. Hard core,
designed for trekkers, with reinforced toe, thick soles, high lace ups, ankle and arch supporting. At
first glance, his are fit for recycling. Worn, ripped, scuffed, discoloured, seams threadless. Friction
and weathering has left the once black shiny leather dull, faded, and grey. Almost white in places.
‘Will-do’ laces strain on the Northwest hooks to keep some order on the otherwise as-good-as-fit-
for-the-bin size tens. Years of rubbing off his chair wheels have the upper outsoles scuffed and
threadbare. Seams ripped and thinned so much in places that they curl back on themselves as if
grinning at the world. Droplets of paint dot the grey toes here and there because of his years of
artwork. Red, blues, greens: a unique signature of cosmic-like splodges symbolic of his effervescent
universe. ‘A man without boots feels sorry for himself until he meets the man without feet.’ Anyone
who knew my Brother, knew his boots. They may not have chosen to walk in them but would have
been honoured to have been asked.

If you would like to read more, the book Overload will launch this Thursday, 6th October. And there will be a Dublin event too, Thursday 27th October – feel free to come along. The book will be available nationwide from independent booksellers and on line from Amazon/Sweeney & O’Donovan from October 6th 2022.

Hope to see you there!

When you ‘Keep on Keeping on’

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Ah lads. Can hardly believe it. I’m to be published!

And yes, what they all said. It’s true. Don’t give up. If you want to get published, you have to put in the time and effort. And lordy there is a lot of time and effort needed. But it can, and does, pay off.

I just need to say it again. I am going to be published! Whoop whoop – and Phew!

There it is.

Independent Publishers, Sweeney & O’Donovan will publish this Spring ’22, my non-fiction book, ‘Overload: A Brother, a Wake, and a Secret’

Getting this far was a long road. Two years of writing/editing the book (2017/18) and another three years of self-doubt and researching publishers and agents. Throw in some more self doubt, submissions and query letters and then the rejections started coming in (I think I counted 50 before I stopped counting) So I am truly delighted to announce that the memoir I wrote after my brother died (mentioned in a previous blog here), has been taken up and is to be published – by an actual publisher!

Lydia Little, author – Mary O’Donovan and Maurice Sweeney of SWOD Publishers

I say actual publisher, ‘cos technically I have been published before, self-publlished that is, for my teen series K-Girls but this is different. This is publishing in the traditional sense.

I am so excited that someone has liked Overload (and my writing) enough to invest and take it on commercially. ‘Cos after all, that is what getting published in the traditional sense IS (and we forget that sometimes). Someone is willing to take a financial gamble on my words written down on paper, in the hope that the world at large (or at least a lump of readers in it) will pay to read those same words.

****

You might ask what tips to getting published – there are thousands of websites that go into all that. But the key I think is to keep reminding yourself to:

approach getting published like you are applying for a job (cos that is what it is – you are applying for the job as author for an agency and you are going to be working together and it is important you like them as much as they like you)

research your agent/publisher by making sure you are a match for genre

check their submissions guidelines and adjust your query letter/synopsis accordingly

keep a track of who you are contacting (I used Query Tracker and found it great)

submit submit submit – remember rejections are part of the process – and it is ok to feel not ok, but you still gotta keep on keeping on.

*****

Some folk ask why did I choose to go down this tradional route as opposed to self-publishing like I did before? It is a question I often asked myself (especially when the rejection emails kept coming in) and I debated should I just self-publish and get it ‘out there’. However, there was that part of me that also wanted to prove to the world/myself that Overload is worthy of being published (where someone thinks the writing deserving of investment) and for my story to get out there more than I could ever do (publishers have a lot more clout when it comes to distributing books to bookshops/stores)

And get this! As a result of Overload being published, and because I have also self-publlished my teen fiction, this also means that very soon I will be a hybrid author – that is with one foot in the indie world and the other in the traditional publshed world. How cool is that!

I know I will still have a lot of work to do (edits/pr/marketing etc) but I have to say I am relieved and chuffed that I have the backing and support of someone along side me.

As for my teen fiction, I am still working on book 3 in my K-Girl series. Albeit Overload will probably take a priority as we get ready for launching later in the Spring ’22.

Cheers to that!

Merry Pen-o-pause – hitting a stalemate in creativity and life.

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Mea Culpa. A lot is my own doing. The old excuse of the death of my brother is wearing thin at this stage (RIP 02/02/2016). And there is the pandemic that we have all found ourselves in. This did put a dampner on my creativity. Lots of artists and creatives have said as much of late. But that is not the whole reason.

Novemember 2019 was when I last blogged. Covid hadn’t hit yet. So using this new normal as an excuse to not being creative is just, well, an excuse.

What have I been doing? I am changed. Changing. I joke and will tell friends ‘it is an age and stage thing daarling’ but the reality is, it IS an age and stage thing. Covid isn’t helping but there is another factor.

I am perimenopausal. Say what? Yes, PERIMENOPAUSE (means “around menopause” and refers to the time during which your body makes the natural transition to menopause, marking the end of the reproductive years.)

copyright Yuckband

I hear you. And a lot of you will probably stop reading at this point and I don’t blame you. Even I am beginning to bore myself. Rest easy, there are millions of blogs and articles and books on this stage of life so I am not going to go into my body adjustments here now.

But I have concluded that it is part of the reason (not an excuse), the REASON, why I have found I am not being as creative as I have been in the past. It would seem that my changed ways from grieving, to coping with Covid have now moved onto a new path that is my body adjusting to less hormones and more of something else and this is affecting my creativity. Or at least my view of it.

I have found my creativity has taken a punch so-to-speak. Is that due to Covid or what internal havoc I am enduring – who really knows?

So I had to give myself a talking too. And be honest with myself and NOT listen to that petty voice in my head.

And then when I laid it out on paper, I realised that it was not as bad as I was making it out. Or at least, what I was telling myself.

It is not that I have NOT been productive or creative. Since I last put pen to paper here (was it really November 2019?) , I have attended two creating writing courses (Writing Crime with Catherine Ryan Howard and, Editing with Curtis Brown Creative) and have written a new crime novel which I am currently editing for the commercial market. I have been working on my third book in my K-Girls teen series (books one and two having been optioned for a TV series) and I have been developing another pen name/series for a whole different genre (that shall remain nameless till a future date ) and I have been experimenting with Zines and collaging.

And that is just my writing life.

I have also been a mother/wife and keeper of the house/pets. So I HAVE been busy.

But I am finding less of a drive for blogs, insta, twitter and other social media platforms. Facebook threads (Thrump/Covid 2020) have become a bore (ok, except feelgood videos) and I am less patient/tolerant of the stupid and materialistic views that are shared thereon. (I prefer to spend 10 minutes watching a bumble bee flit from one flower head to another, its hind legs laden with yellow pollen baskets and fascinate at the physics of the whole thing.)

And then there is that part of me that has become middle-aged (I turn 50 in February) and using my free time to go ocean swimming and yoga and walking hills, taking vitamin supplements. And really enjoying all the benefits of doing that.

Oh dear.

So having given myself a good talking to, I realise I must keep going. Gotta keep on keeping on.

I am editing said crime novel. I have a killer tag line and thought my back of book blurb was brilliant until I recently saw another published book with something very similar and was gutted. But that is trivial really. The focus has to be on editing the novel and getting it as perfect as it can be before putting it out to agents. That road to getting published is still a very long and twisty one.

In the mean time, I am enjoying my new pace. Less is more maybe.

How has your creativity been? You sporting any changes as a result of Covid, or because of a particular stage in your life?

If you are, it might help to sit down and get yourself to list what you have been doing and you might find that you are pleasantly surprised and that you have been busy with life.

And there was no need for any guilt after all!

Life lesson, from a movie

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I couldn’t put a word on it.  The something that changed in me after my brother died.  The something that was not grief.

We all know grief.  No, that is not right.  We don’t all know grief.  Grief is only open to a special member’s club.  Those that have loved, and lost.  Some might claim to think they know what grief is.  Sympathise with you.  But until they have actually experienced it for themselves, then, no they don’t know.  They don’t belong to ‘the club’.

grief

I was non member and used to nod my head and rub someone’s arm, or hug them, thinking I understood when they spoke about a lost loved one. (We are not talking pets here – for I have grieved those too)  But I didn’t really know what is was to lose some one close.  And then, without having to pay any dues, or tick any box of terms and conditions, I became an automatic member.  February 2 2016.  A month short of the full 12 months subscription.  Oh, didn’t they tell you? It renews every 12 months.  Actually, it renews with every memory blip.

Anyone can look up grief, and learn what to expect:  the five stages of grief, tips on grieving, bereavement counseling, there is even a quiz on grief  But there is very little on the joy of grief.

WAIT – what?!  The joy of grief?

confused puppy

Yes, you see that is the bit that took me by surprise too.  And I couldn’t quite put my finger on how to pin it down, how to name it, until I saw the movie ‘Collateral Beauty’.  (No, we are not talking Arnold Schwarzenegger here, that is Collateral Damage and a whole different movie.)  This one is ‘Collateral Beauty‘ with a fabulous cast of Will Smith, Edward Norton, Keira Knightly, Helen Mirren, Kate Winslet…. to name a few.   In short, the movie follows a man (Will Smith) who copes with his daughter’s death by writing letters to Time, Death and Love.

collateral beauty

For me it was a sort of ‘Love Actually’ meets ‘A Christmas Carol’ with a ‘totally did not see that coming’ twist at the end.  I loved it.  Loved it.  The movie critics couldn’t help but point out the “fundamental flaws” but  I was more than happy to suspend my disbelief and go with it.

I digress.  Back to the ‘Something’.  Collateral Beauty.  That is what made me sit up and go ” yes, that is it!”

You see, after my brother died, yes I grieved, but  I was also woken up to this new Something.  I found myself circling the wagons, life became about the non material stuff.  The first two years I definitely grieved, (it took me a long time to be able to say ‘Fergus is dead”) and went through the different “stages”.  Equally I became obsessed with Time (realising, it is short), Death  (is it really the end?) and Love (“better to have loved and lost, then not loved at all”).

There are some great quotes in  the movie:

As for Collateral Beauty in my reality –  I no longer cared about money, stuff and goals.  My focus became much more inwardly and examining the small stuff.  Death and grief showed me how vulnerable I was.  And as a result I started to appreciate all the things that I have, as opposed to wanted.  Appreciated what was around me.  Literally.  I would stop and take time to watch an ant march or a hen scratch and peck.  Clouds became art forms.  I became mindful.  Started to see the beauty in everything.  No, that’s not quite right.  Would look for the beauty in everything.  When I walked, I was ON THE WALK.  My head wasn’t in the office or at home thinking about dinner.  Before my brother died, I didn’t do that.  I didn’t see the beauty.  No, again, that it not quire right.  I saw beauty, but I didn’t look for it.  Now I do.  Mostly it finds me.   The death of my brother opened my mind, and my heart.  It is as if it is the payment I received  having loved my brother:    Collateral Beauty.

When I started to research it, of course, I found lots on it.  Here is another piece where it is expanded and others contribute to their take on it.  And while it it is not referenced, but I believe this ted talk touches on it too,  for through vulnerability we become more connected.

COLLATERAL BEAUTY – what was pledged to me as a result of Death, Time & Love

It is a gift I have been given, in a way…

a free gift in conjunction with joining the new

‘Special Member’s Club’.

Are you a member?

Do you see the Collateral Beauty?

moon

 

A Meeting Place for Kings

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Walking is good for clearing the mind, body and for writing.  I like to use the time to think about my various projects (I am currently working on book 3 in my K-Girl’s series) maybe carry out some research and to work out any blocks I might have in plot ideas etc.

Recently I had the pleasure of a few days at the Osprey Hotel in Naas, Co. Kildare.  My husband booked us in for a few days post Christmas and it proved a great meeting point for his family.  He is one of six,  and with spouses and children in tow, we were a large gathering.  With most of his relatives living in the Dublin/Kildare/Portlaois environs, the Osprey proved a fab meeting point with swimming pool and carvery and private space –  the location proved hugely popular and successful with the Little clan!

osprey-hotel

We were booked in for a few days but on a budget so I didn’t get to use the wonderful looking Spa in the hotel.  A gal can only do so much in any hotel room/pool so I used the time to get out and about instead.

I had never been to Naas before.  Well, I lie, I have been through it on many an occasion driving from west Cork to Dublin,  back in the days when the old road went through the town itself.  But I have never spent some time in the actual place.  To me (forgive my ignorance) but I used to think it was a drive-through-mid-land town that had no redeeming features.  How wrong was I!

I made some wonderful discoveries.

Firstly, did you know the full name of Naas is actually ‘Nás na Ríoch’ from the Irish meaning ‘meeting place of the Kings’?  Now I am not going to go down a whole history avenue here, so for any one who would like to find out more, see here

I have a lousy sense of direction so my first wander was to get a feel of the place and where the Osprey was in relation to the town itself.  A 2 minute stroll down Devoy Road  found me at a junction and, grateful for some pointer signs, I was soon discovering the Naas Self-guided Historic Town Walk.

Within another few minutes, I found myself at the Harbour, and nearby Library.  The library was closed due to the holidays, but what a fab location.  Opposite was the old Market House (1810) that has planning posted to convert it to a restaurant and retail spot.  My imagination was reeling of past times and how busy the harbour must have been between canal boats docking and merchants conducting business back in the day.  Now it is a scenic walking/cycling spot where you can loop around the town and follow the canal.  Yes, the canal.

canal cranemerchant house.png

The Grand Canal I will have you know! Yes, it links via Sallins, to the Dublin Grand Canal.

I am a sea bird myself, having been raised and sailed along the Wild Atlantic Way so I am not familiar with canals and the various Waterways of Ireland.  But I was keen to find out more.  There are detailed historic notice boards along the trail that explain the various points of interest so I was learning as I walked.

The day was overcast but dry and with no commitments for the next few hours I took off on my own and found some right gems on route.

I am a sucker for old cemeteries and grave yards,  and like to take a moment to walk among the headstones and decipher what names I can.  (There is that part of me that thinks if I speak the name on the grave stone that their spirit is somewhere else smiling on hearing their name spoken once more.) But this old site had little in the line of names, most graves marked with a simple stone, which is usually a sign of a very very old grave and/or paupers/famine grave.  Towards the end of the canal I came across the old lodge house and wondered too at the people that once lived here and their role played at the ope of the estate beyond the gates.

The canal loop brought me around past the Abbey bridge and various canal locks.abbey bridge canal

In an hour or so I found myself back in town and in St David’s Church yard.  Again I had to walk among the tombstones and spotted a few unusual ones in the mix.

From left to right – ‘Atkinsons’ (forget the dieting?), ‘In Memorian’ – with a list of those from Naas whose bodies were never recovered.  Includes a Bishop (Thomas Leverous), a highwayman (Swift Nix), a pamphleteer/controversialist (Stephen Radcliffe) and a Martyr (Peter Higgins)! Next is a father and daughter tombstone where life springs yet (snow drops peeping nearby), and finally, what looks like a pirates grave with its skull and cross bones but is that of a very old gravestone dating from 1723.

But my favourite experience has to be of a little old cobbler’s shop.  It is a mid terrace dusty looking place where the trade is only revealed as a result of this little notice in the window.  I figured ‘Bill Glennon‘ has a good sense of humour and I wondered at his story too.

It was only on passing the door that I spotted a portrait in the next window and thought how nice to put a face to the name.  I was bent over taking a photo when  along came a pedestrian.  I was about to politely move out of the way when I saw that the man approaching me was the very same in the picture.

‘Tis yourself!’  says I, pointing at the window.

‘Tis’, says he, laughing.

I introduced myself and we shook hands and got chatting.  It turns out that the cobbler business has been there for over a hundred years and Bill is the last of his people in the trade.

‘Is there not anybody in the family, or maybe an apprentice, that might be interested in carrying it on?’  says I.

‘Ah, no,’ says he.  ‘It is a dying trade.  I have only the one, my son David,  and he has a good job in a bank in Dublin.’

Not to miss the opportunity, I asked Bill if I could take his photo next to his shop photo and he obliged.  It was only in our chatting that I glanced down at my phone to check if the camera was on that I noticed his shoes.  I couldn’t resist taking a sneaky shot!  Fab shoes Bill!

I didn’t get to complete the full historic trail and explore all that I might have liked so I look forward to returning to Naas and doing so.  I will make sure to pop in on Bill and see how he is getting on.

A Fresh New Look for K-Girls

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Sincere apologies!  It has taken me much longer than expected.  I am delighted to report that book two, in my ‘Kylemore Abbey School’ series, is finally launched.

I find it hard to believe that book one, ‘K-Girls‘, was launched in 2013 and in today’s impulsive and impatient society, it has been a long wait for book two, ‘K-Girls Plus One‘.  Thank you all for your patience.

You might find it as interesting as I did, to see what famous authors took years or more to follow up with their sequels.  Not that I am not claiming to be famous by any means, but it is reassuring to know that I am not the worst when it comes to following up with the next book in a series!

To be honest, the loss of my brother did throw me for six, and I took two years to really recover from that (having written a memoir in between).  So I am only thrilled to hoot my own horn and announce that K-Girls Plus One is now available on Amazon.

You can download ‘K-Girls Plus One’ here.  For those that have yet to read book one, ‘K-Girls’, you can find it here

What I am most excited about are my new covers.

While I love, and appreciate, the work that Jonathon Parsons did on my original K-Girls  cover when launched back in 2013 (possibly now a collectors item??) , feedback from readers made me re-think the cover and it was decided that, I should take a different approach.

KGirls book cover

scintillating good read

 

As a result, I did my research and discovered  Irish illustrator, Fergal O’Connor

I asked Fergal to come up with a new cover for both, ‘K-Girls’, and ‘K-Girls Plus One’ so that they would be similarly themed and reflect the different plots.  Fair play to the young man as he took on reading both to get the ‘jist’ of the story line and then it was easy sailing for him to come up with these gems!  I have to say he went above and beyond though when it came to uploading covers for Amazon KDP/Create Space for self publishing as an e-book and paperback.  Both versions take a different format and tool and Fergal was super in taking that on too.

Thank you Fergal!

So at last, both books are available as ebooks AND as paperback with their fab new covers. WHAT DO YOU THINK?

It is worth saying here that I don’t plan to do a big media push on this as I have discovered that there are often snags that need to be sorted re Amazon and the product detail pages/promotions etc.  I am choosing instead to have a ‘soft’ launch and share the news with my existing fans and followers.  Next job then is to get my head around, and set up, some promotions on Amazon.  I think it is only fair that there is something in it for the readers that have been so patient to date!

By the way, some followers have asked me why the title ‘K-Girls Plus One’?

Let’s just say it all becomes clear on reading it!

Enjoy and of course, please please leave a book review.  They are gold when it comes to getting the book out there on Amazon. Thank you in advance!

 

Here’s to a new direction for 2018

/ lydialittlekgirl / 5 Comments

It has been some time since I updated my blog – apologies for that.  Grief got in the way but I am pleased to report that I have some of my mo-jo back and am focusing once more on writing.

When my brother Ferg died,  in Feb 2016, I lost interest in creative fiction but did take up the pen to write a narrative memoir, ‘Overload’.  This was a whole new approach in a  different genre and writing style.  This new book, let’s just say, is an unusual one and may not be exactly a commercial fit.  It is experimental.   I hope it will find its way to the right publishing house.  With that goal in mind, I have submitted to some agents and am playing that awful waiting game….(watch this space)

In the mean time, the good news is that I have been given the go ahead by the community at Kylemore Abbey for  book 2 (‘K-Girls Plus One’) in my teen series, ‘K-Girls’  (I like to submit my drafts to the Community for review) and so once the copy-editing/proof reading is completed I will self-publish digitally in March/April.

In the mean time I thought I should give an update on a previous blog as I am delighted to report that I can now share proof that my the first in the series, ‘K-Girls’, did indeed reach its unusual destination.

How many authors can claim that their own book made it to the South Pole!

From here everything is looking up (get it?)

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

Sayer Houseal holding a copy of ‘K-Girls’ @ the South Pole – where every direction is North!

My New Normal

/ lydialittlekgirl / 4 Comments

Has it really been December since I last wrote?  My brother died at the beginning of February and this did throw me a bit.

Let’s just say I have been somewhat discombobulated.

fergus-ofarrell

Fergus O ‘Farrell:  30th June 1967- 2nd February 2016

Artist, composer, musician – big brother

 

Since the death of Ferg, I have found that my writing juices are just not flowing in the same way.  Well,  that is not entirely true;  it is my creative writing juices that have not been flowing.

I did take up journaling again and have found this quite therapeutic.

healing

In any case, I just wanted to try and reboot – start with updating a post.  If nothing else, I need to get myself back on the keyboard – life moves on.  Doesn’t it?

I think it is more about adjusting to a new normal.

My new normal.

calvin and hobbs

 

So I ask you to bear with me a while…….

reboot

 

Christmas Spirit

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Seven more sleeps till Santa Clause for all children good and bold.  But my mind turns toward Ruth Stoker, will her true story  ever unfold?

Think back to December 1923, what was it like for a girl of fourteen?  All those miles away in Connemara, first term learning the life of a high society.

Was there a wonderful  atmosphere in the Castle, was it decorated there too?  Did a giant Christmas tree reach up to the atrium, baubles and candles glinting through?

castle christmas

 

Were your holiday plans simple?  To get home to your own bed.  Looking forward to time with your sisters and parents, time for  oogling Clearys window instead?  How happy I imagine your mother,  anticipating her baby girl home at last.  Putting aside society etiquette and hugging you fast.   Your father might be busy with his Surgery but no doubt he could fit in time for play ?  He might let you use with his Champion tennis racket, perhaps a family lunch at the club house a plan for one of the days?

fortnum-and-mason-christmas-window

 

How would your house greet you,  Number 23 Westland Row?  Would the lamp lights dance and flicker, beams of yellow all a glow?  Did you imagine a healthy wreath of green and red,  hanging on your front door.  The Georgian hallway full of festive cheer, with  holly and ivy garlands  sweeping the stairway to the floor.  Prisms of light dancing through the leaded glass on the landing, where faires hide with glee.   Had your parents placed any Christmas presents underneath the candle laden tree?

christmas tree

 

But you would never see that Christmas, nor sleep in your own bed once more. Never see Jesus placed in the manger of Saint Andrews  or hear their Christmas Day choir soar.

I  see you instead the week before Christmas, sick in your bed at Kylemore.  Feeling miserable,  weak and afraid, eyes nervoulsy darting toward the door.

caring for tb patient

 

At first, put down to a chest infection and the end of a long school term. The tolls of learning Latin and Music,  and elite school rules that were firm.  When the  infection took hold and got more serious, and scarlet droplets dotted your chin, were  travel plans home delayed and the local doctor called in?  They then treated you  for pneumonia but sure how could the ignorant have known ?  It was not only your life that was threatened, but the Community as a whole.

When did they finally move you, were you isolated, placed in an old Castle room?  Were the rest of the students sent home with an excuse of  Christmas holidays and prayers from Rome.

 

Was it the 17th when  you became too weak,  as the fever set in?  Did the scarlet droplets turn to blobs of betrayal,  as your lungs quickly deteriorated from within?  Modern medicine had yet to be discovered, and superstition and taboo your fate.  Was there a secret hush throughout the Abbey corridors? It is Galloping Consumption  – Alas!  too late.

consumption

 

Who bravily cared and wiped your brow , cleaned the blood from your blue lips?  Did your parents make it in time to your bedside, say their goodbyes, take your dying kiss?

romantic consumption

 

I know not what hour you slipped from this world.  By  the 18th you were gone.  To be buried in the nun’s cemetery, did the nun’s gather in prayer and sing some song?  Did you pass from this world to the next or decide to stay a while?  As they lowered you down into the clay, scattering  lime as was the style.

Who visited your grave to mourn you, who tendered the mound as it slowly sank?  Who placed the hand carved headstone, who do we have to thank?

Ruth Stoker grave stone

I see you  Ruth Stoker of 23 Westland Row, though I never knew you at all.  I can only imagine our friendship, as an original K-Girl.  Do you turn to face  us in Connemara where your spirit resides?  Do you turn to face the sunset beyond Diamond Hill or the Kylemore Lake sunrise?

 

2014-09-11 07.29.32

 

Here is to you Ruth Stoker and all the K-Girl’s besides.  Those, who the week before Christmas have left us, and those over the months and the years of tides .  How many smiles turned to sorrow?  Hearts broken across the miles?

Lay you all not forgotten,

Lay you loved all the while.

Remembering all K-Girls today

and forevermore besides.

candle of light