diary writing

Life lesson, from a movie

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I couldn’t put a word on it.  The something that changed in me after my brother died.  The something that was not grief.

We all know grief.  No, that is not right.  We don’t all know grief.  Grief is only open to a special member’s club.  Those that have loved, and lost.  Some might claim to think they know what grief is.  Sympathise with you.  But until they have actually experienced it for themselves, then, no they don’t know.  They don’t belong to ‘the club’.

grief

I was non member and used to nod my head and rub someone’s arm, or hug them, thinking I understood when they spoke about a lost loved one. (We are not talking pets here – for I have grieved those too)  But I didn’t really know what is was to lose some one close.  And then, without having to pay any dues, or tick any box of terms and conditions, I became an automatic member.  February 2 2016.  A month short of the full 12 months subscription.  Oh, didn’t they tell you? It renews every 12 months.  Actually, it renews with every memory blip.

Anyone can look up grief, and learn what to expect:  the five stages of grief, tips on grieving, bereavement counseling, there is even a quiz on grief  But there is very little on the joy of grief.

WAIT – what?!  The joy of grief?

confused puppy

Yes, you see that is the bit that took me by surprise too.  And I couldn’t quite put my finger on how to pin it down, how to name it, until I saw the movie ‘Collateral Beauty’.  (No, we are not talking Arnold Schwarzenegger here, that is Collateral Damage and a whole different movie.)  This one is ‘Collateral Beauty‘ with a fabulous cast of Will Smith, Edward Norton, Keira Knightly, Helen Mirren, Kate Winslet…. to name a few.   In short, the movie follows a man (Will Smith) who copes with his daughter’s death by writing letters to Time, Death and Love.

collateral beauty

For me it was a sort of ‘Love Actually’ meets ‘A Christmas Carol’ with a ‘totally did not see that coming’ twist at the end.  I loved it.  Loved it.  The movie critics couldn’t help but point out the “fundamental flaws” but  I was more than happy to suspend my disbelief and go with it.

I digress.  Back to the ‘Something’.  Collateral Beauty.  That is what made me sit up and go ” yes, that is it!”

You see, after my brother died, yes I grieved, but  I was also woken up to this new Something.  I found myself circling the wagons, life became about the non material stuff.  The first two years I definitely grieved, (it took me a long time to be able to say ‘Fergus is dead”) and went through the different “stages”.  Equally I became obsessed with Time (realising, it is short), Death  (is it really the end?) and Love (“better to have loved and lost, then not loved at all”).

There are some great quotes in  the movie:

As for Collateral Beauty in my reality –  I no longer cared about money, stuff and goals.  My focus became much more inwardly and examining the small stuff.  Death and grief showed me how vulnerable I was.  And as a result I started to appreciate all the things that I have, as opposed to wanted.  Appreciated what was around me.  Literally.  I would stop and take time to watch an ant march or a hen scratch and peck.  Clouds became art forms.  I became mindful.  Started to see the beauty in everything.  No, that’s not quite right.  Would look for the beauty in everything.  When I walked, I was ON THE WALK.  My head wasn’t in the office or at home thinking about dinner.  Before my brother died, I didn’t do that.  I didn’t see the beauty.  No, again, that it not quire right.  I saw beauty, but I didn’t look for it.  Now I do.  Mostly it finds me.   The death of my brother opened my mind, and my heart.  It is as if it is the payment I received  having loved my brother:    Collateral Beauty.

When I started to research it, of course, I found lots on it.  Here is another piece where it is expanded and others contribute to their take on it.  And while it it is not referenced, but I believe this ted talk touches on it too,  for through vulnerability we become more connected.

COLLATERAL BEAUTY – what was pledged to me as a result of Death, Time & Love

It is a gift I have been given, in a way…

a free gift in conjunction with joining the new

‘Special Member’s Club’.

Are you a member?

Do you see the Collateral Beauty?

moon

 

A Fresh New Look for K-Girls

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Sincere apologies!  It has taken me much longer than expected.  I am delighted to report that book two, in my ‘Kylemore Abbey School’ series, is finally launched.

I find it hard to believe that book one, ‘K-Girls‘, was launched in 2013 and in today’s impulsive and impatient society, it has been a long wait for book two, ‘K-Girls Plus One‘.  Thank you all for your patience.

You might find it as interesting as I did, to see what famous authors took years or more to follow up with their sequels.  Not that I am not claiming to be famous by any means, but it is reassuring to know that I am not the worst when it comes to following up with the next book in a series!

To be honest, the loss of my brother did throw me for six, and I took two years to really recover from that (having written a memoir in between).  So I am only thrilled to hoot my own horn and announce that K-Girls Plus One is now available on Amazon.

You can download ‘K-Girls Plus One’ here.  For those that have yet to read book one, ‘K-Girls’, you can find it here

What I am most excited about are my new covers.

While I love, and appreciate, the work that Jonathon Parsons did on my original K-Girls  cover when launched back in 2013 (possibly now a collectors item??) , feedback from readers made me re-think the cover and it was decided that, I should take a different approach.

KGirls book cover

scintillating good read

 

As a result, I did my research and discovered  Irish illustrator, Fergal O’Connor

I asked Fergal to come up with a new cover for both, ‘K-Girls’, and ‘K-Girls Plus One’ so that they would be similarly themed and reflect the different plots.  Fair play to the young man as he took on reading both to get the ‘jist’ of the story line and then it was easy sailing for him to come up with these gems!  I have to say he went above and beyond though when it came to uploading covers for Amazon KDP/Create Space for self publishing as an e-book and paperback.  Both versions take a different format and tool and Fergal was super in taking that on too.

Thank you Fergal!

So at last, both books are available as ebooks AND as paperback with their fab new covers. WHAT DO YOU THINK?

It is worth saying here that I don’t plan to do a big media push on this as I have discovered that there are often snags that need to be sorted re Amazon and the product detail pages/promotions etc.  I am choosing instead to have a ‘soft’ launch and share the news with my existing fans and followers.  Next job then is to get my head around, and set up, some promotions on Amazon.  I think it is only fair that there is something in it for the readers that have been so patient to date!

By the way, some followers have asked me why the title ‘K-Girls Plus One’?

Let’s just say it all becomes clear on reading it!

Enjoy and of course, please please leave a book review.  They are gold when it comes to getting the book out there on Amazon. Thank you in advance!

 

Almost ‘and back again’ – last day in New York

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Day 6 – last of the ‘Little Adventure’ – Thursday, March 19th 2015

One last burst of exploring the city – left to my own devices and full of confidence, I returned to Grand Central station, and this time headed North.

So what was on my agenda?

Thursday was about research and…. a bit of a ‘business meeting’……..

Throughout my posts about my New York visit, I have commented very little about my writing/novel.  This day was being driven with both in mind.  Whether it is an idea for plot or character for the next book or if it is a whole new book for another time, I felt New York would give me inspiration.  But, again, I wasn’t choosing the usual tourist path.

images (1)

I LOVE history now- not the big stories per say, but more the stories behind the big stories.  I also find, that  from a writer’s view, when I hear a date,  I find my mind relating it back to Kylemore.   What was going on there at the same time?

So for example, when construction was underway at Kylemore Castle in 1867:  the International Exhibition was opened in Paris – Jesse James was busy robbing a bank in Missouri – Karl Marx had just published ‘Das Kapital’ – The widow Queen Victoria laid the foundation stone for the Albert Hall – the Medicine Lodge Treaty was signed between US/Native American Indians – the Fenian’s were organising a Rising in Ireland…….  Needless to say the list could go on.

Did you know that 1867  was also the year Charles Dickens gave his first public reading in New York at Steinway Hall?

Anyway, for research there was a few places I wanted to visit,  to ‘put my eye’ on the locations that I had read about and filed away.

New York is a pulsing  city today – what was it like during the late 1800’s and early 1900’s?

Here is what I did NOT get to see.

I had missed an opportunity to get to the Tenement Museum – note:  you can only visit here while escorted by a tour guide and that has to be pre-booked.  AND I also messed up on  getting to the Merchant House (it is open Thursday – Sundays)  AND with the week that was in it, Ellis Island was totally booked out! 😦 All/any of these,  would have been a fantastic opportunity to see how people lived (and died)  during the late 1800’s etc in New York.   I was very disappointed not to have been able to visit them.

I have promised myself to get to them on my  NEXT trip to New York!

We do have comparable tourist experiences  here in Ireland:  Living The Lockout, for the tenement side of things in Dublin, and our own Cobh Heritage Experience for the Famine Ships, Titanic and Lusitania stories, and of course we have our own fine examples of the Big Houses, Kylemore and Muckross House being two of them.

But would they be a similar experience?

I think not. ( I will endeavour to get to the Irish ones before the year is out)

I did get to seek out some places on my list for New York.  One was the Dakota building (built between 1880 and 1884) – I had recently finished a great time travel book (recommended by Stephen King) – Time and Again by Jack Finney,   where the Dakota was used in the book as the base for time travel – the building reportedly got its name from being built so far on the Upper West Side, that it might as well have been in Dakota.

 

The Dakota in winter c. 1890 - (image as appears chp 17 of Time and Again)

The Dakota in winter c. 1890 – (image as appears chp 17 of Time and Again)

 

Of course the building now sits nice and snug, blending in very comfortably with its’ towering neighbours….. I had great fun finding it, and then wondered what stories IT could tell.

Dakota Now, 2015

Dakota Now, 2015

 

On a side note, did you know that prior to establishing the Statue of Liberty on Liberty Island, that her torch bearing arm was first exhibited at Madison Square Park?  The story, as I understand it, is that the state couldn’t afford to build a base and erect the statue and so the arm was on display instead, tourists paying to climb up into the torch, while fund raising continued.

lending a hand of Liberty

lending a hand of Liberty

 

Lunch time soon snuck up on me and I had to attend my ‘Business Meeting’

For lunch I meet with a ‘Certain Someone’.  Now this person shall remain nameless as I do not want to identify them in this blog, until such time that they advise otherwise.  And as casual as it may have been arranged, it was actually a PR exercise for me to push the idea of my book and for ‘He who shall not be named’ to put a face and character to my name. In case you get too excited, they are not an agent/publisher or an author even, but they are in the industry and lets just say they were doing me the favour by giving me some of their very precious time.

On the surface it was all very relaxed and easy going, but I have to admit I was nervous and very conscious of not coming across as too cocky, or too wishy-washy either.  I had about 30 minutes to talk up my book and me, without appearing pushy and needy.

As a result the first 20 minutes we talked about everything BUT the books and my writing – and the last few I had my ‘window’ to try and capture the very essence of what I was all about and where I wanted to bring my book series ‘K-Girls’.  It was my first real ‘pitch’ without trying to make it sound too obvious that that is exactly what it was!

I think it went very well – not to any degree of signing any book deals but I certainly got some interesting feed back, picked up a professional tip or two.  I think they went away reasonably impressed, not just with my book series idea,  but with me too!  If they go away thinking this girl has some good ideas that go beyond the traditional, and they drop my name in their professional circles, then I would be very happy with that.

We shall have to wait and see what outcome, if any, comes out of that.

Meeting over, I sauntered for a bit near by and I have to say I was in my total element when I found this little Gem – not a building – but a book of buildings!

images

 

Fab imagery of New York back in its early days, with comparison shots from modern day – (hats off to author Marcia Reiss and photographer Evan Joseph)  I had great fun finding some of the buildings within and making my own comparisons.

As a result,  I walked miles around the city and felt I even did my own bit of  ‘time travel’  …….the weather was glorious and I got to walk across Central Park (where the pond was still frozen) and ‘popped’ in (how naive was I) to the Met Museum.   I would need a whole new trip to New York to get to see everything there.

Oh how weary was I by the end of it all – how wonderfully wonderfully weary.

At the end of the afternoon,  I made it ‘home’ to Mamaroneck with blistered feet and a very happy soul.

The next day was ‘Going Home’ day and so I spent it with my hosts, dear friends – and I will always appreciate those last few cuddles on the couch, from my beautiful and pixie-like god daughter ‘Berry-Boo‘.

It was a quick and sad good bye. (save having to go back to collect a forgotten purse!!!! – thank you AGAIN Rozzy)

I arrived home to Ireland in one piece – and I have to admit I was very happy to see the familiar patchwork green fields from Aer Lingus just before we set down in Dublin.

My trip was  – oh there is no denying it – AMAZING – as cliched as it sounds.

I would like to think that my one was one with a difference – I hope my  last few posts have caught some of that.

Looking back on the last year, it goes to show that you have to Put It Out There – whatever IT is that you want in life –

it might just come true –

After all

I got to New York didn’t I?

Little Erin stroll

New York – a Little Irish Lakota connection

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Day Two in New York – Sunday 15th March 2015

In a previous blog,  I  mentioned that one of the many reasons that justified my trip to the Big Apple, was to visit relatives.

Do you know the exact address of YOUR  extended family scattered about the world?

Well, I had only a vague idea of where my rellies were,  and did not fully investigate their address until I was ensconced on site at ‘base camp’ that was Mamaroneck, and iphone in hand.

I knew the rellies lived in Scarsdale (remembered easily due to the mad diet my mother was always on in the 70’s and 80’s) but  I had no idea where Scarsdale was in relation to New York city and Mamaroneck.

Well would you believe it but  – according to Google maps, and GPS – we were a mere 10 minutes drive from the rellie’s house in Scarsdale!

hop skip and a jump away

hop skip and a jump away

Now here’s the thing – Rellies has a broad term doesn’t it?

 

friends are the family

My true blood relatives, are the O’Farrell-Gallo side,  and their very good friends, the Dunnes, have become ours too over the years.

Tim and Cindy Dunne visited us during the summer of 2014 in West Cork,  and naturally, the courtesy was being extended as I was now on their home turf.

There is no way I could have left American soil without linking up with them.

In any case, the arrangements were that we would all meet at the Dunne’s in Scarsdale on Sunday, for a  late morning brunch.

So we descended en masse to Scarsdale with a gift of a good bottle of wine, and obligatory giant bars of  Cadbury’s chocolate. I had an additional gift for the Dunnes.

My brother, Fergus O’Farrell, is a singer song writer.  And he wanted me to pass on a couple of CD’s of his two albums to the Dunnes.  While Fergus’s songs are available commercially (visit his web site here) one of these songs was particularly special and he wanted to give signed copies to them.

interference live in Dingle  interference

Bear with me as I now FLASHBACK to the summer 2014 when Tim and Cindy had visited us in Ireland.  Cindy was telling us as part of the general chit chat that she was now retired and had the time to volunteer with the Pine Ridge Lakota reservation and specifically, with the Lakota Children’s Enrichment foundation – this was as a result of their daughter, Maggie, who works very closely with the Lakota children on the reservation.  As it natural with these things, Maggie’s mother had taken an interest too.

I added my bit that, I felt the Irish could relate (if even just a little)  having had our share of colonisation and banishment, oppression, genocide, treaty breaking etc.  I shared the story of  how good the Native American’s had been to the Irish during the Great Famine (1845-52), sending over funds, following their own Trail of Tears.

To think, the Native American Indians had so little and gave so much to our people.

And I shared news of how, in recognition of this wonderful aid, there is a sculptor planned to be unveiled in Cork. (For details of this see more here)

 

proposed 'Feather' sculpture

proposed ‘Feather’ sculpture

Back to us at brunch in the USA Spring 2015 and I was delighted to pass on my  brother’s CD which features his song ‘Gold’ (as sung in the movie Once, and performed as part of the Broadway show)

These CD’s do not have the original version  which includes has a speech recorded that precedes the song.

Fergus had written a personal note to the Dunnes, included in the CD, explaining that the song, although perceived as a love song, was actually an environmental song that had been inspired by a  speech he had heard.

I played the original version song to the full room and wasn’t I thrilled to be able to report that the speech was delivered by the Great Grand daughter of Chief Hollow Horn, of the Lakota tribe. ( I will include a link here once I figure out how to upload to audio to the blog so you can hear the full rendition)

This as you can imagine made a wonderful impression.  Great discussion followed as to the coincidence etc.

Admittedly, while Fergus never knew the Lakota connection when he wrote the song, we are only delighted to now put the two together.

Serendipity?  Fate?  Maybe the Great Spirit would have a say on that.

In any case,  the morning was filled by a circle of friends, new and old, sharing food, chatting, and exchanging stories.

There was that special moment when I realised how wonderful these kind of gatherings are – and how lucky I was to be right in the middle of it.  My mind slipped back to a time when the same lands might have had a tribe somewhere near by where others too may have gathered, shared stories and exchanged gifts.

There was no mass for me on that Sunday – but I figure any God wouldn’t have minded.

Hollow Horn Bear (ca. 1850 – 1913)

Hollow Horn Bear
(ca. 1850 – 1913)

New York – There and Back Again- a Little Irish adventure.

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March, Friday 13th – an omen for some – but not for this lady.

Would you believe it but in July last year, I ‘put it out to the universe‘  to be able to go to New York for March 2015.

This was not a trip I could easily afford, time nor financially.

So it really was a case of ‘making a wish’ and hoping it would come true.

And it did!

Fast forward to Friday 13th  2015 and I was on a plane enjoying the great service of Aer Lingus and in-flight movies.

Amazeballs!

So what brings me to New York?

A VERY good and generous friend I have to say.

And why?

But of course, the Kylemore Abbey Fund raiser!

And wanting to see a very good friend who moved there in the last year or so,

And because of rellies who have been asking me for years to come and visit

And it was so close to Paddy’s Day……

What better excuses eh?

So the next few blogs will be a capsule of what I got to do while on American soil and hopefully you will enjoy, and perhaps learn a thing or two along the way……….

 

 

 

Diaries

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My seven year old found my old school diaries.  Not that they were hidden for no one to find, just that it was the first time that he took an interest in them.

I have kept diaries, or journals, throughout my life – in fact, without them I don’t think I would ever have considered writing a novel at all.   And so I have a big box of diaries that span my teen and young adulthood years (I journal less now that I write as an author).

Only 2 actual diaries have sat on my writing desk for the last 4 years.  These two diaries were the background to the writing of ‘K-Girls’, and preparation for the sequel, ‘K-Girls Plus One’.   I would have written them in 1984 and 1985, when I was 13/14.

I have to confess, that most pages  are typical of a teens worries, thoughts and moans, with the odd love lost or crush.

All the same, for the most part, they are not suitable for a seven year old.

What I find interesting is that neither of my teen daughters ever took much interest in them, and so it came as a surprise that my seven year old son was not only fascinated with them, but wanted me to read them to him, and went so far as trying to sneak them into his bedroom to try and decipher my scrawl on his own.

As a parent third time round, I have learnt though, if you tell a child they can’t have something, they just want it all the more;  and so in an effort to stem his new curiosity, I  promised to read to him (that way I am in control) some of the pages within.

This has proved interesting to me.  Most of the entries are what I would call typical, simple, occasionally cringe worthy, and even funny,  on different levels. The best days are the one that, only for the diaries, I would have forgotten about them completely.  To a stranger they may not mean a whole lot, but to me the pages draw on distant memory banks, and allow me to dip into my past, raise a smile and reminisce on old times.  How cocky I was, how innocent, (and then again, perhaps not), how impetuous, petty, or immature, (some would say I haven’t changed much)

And then I think, hang on a second, is this what blogging has replaced?  And facebook?  Only as we are sharing our thoughts with the world, do we hold back on our REAL opinion for fear of judgement, ridicule?  With journals, the premise is that they are private and so we can CONFESS, without judgement.  We can truly speak plainly and openly.  OFF THE RECORD as such.

Wasn’t Wilde that said ‘I never travel without my diary – one should have something sensational to read in the train.’

I know certainly that I am trying to be more careful in my blogging, what to say, how to say it, who is possibly reading it, (if anyone).  My journals, they have a different sense about them – raw, as-it-is.  Warts and all.  There is a lot to be said about that I think – I can see that within the diaries, is the forming of my true writing voice – capturing the real feelings of a young teen girl, even if in the 1980’s.  Have teens changed a whole lot – you would think I would know having two of them but is the main difference being social media has perhaps indirectly created a censorship to a young person’s voice?

In any case, I thought to share with you my first page in my diaries as a K-Girl – don’t get too excited now, I know my seven year old certainly didn’t.

teen diariesdiary entry 1984

diary transcript

8-3-’84 – Lent 1st day

Dear Diary,

Since this is my first page I thought i might has well tell you that I most probably wont be able to write every night cause I’m not great at writing every night.  I don’t know why I decided to write but I said to hell and took this out and here I am writing this.  To-day is the 2nd day of lent and I’ve given up sweets and I have to try and keep it ’cause I usually break it.  

I’ve got to go to sleep now ’cause Miss Oakely is switching the light off now.

Good night

Sweet Dreams

Lydia